" In the hands of God, the object of one's greatest pain could become the source of one's greatest blessing." Corrie Ten Boom
I was raised in a performance-based family. To fail at the expectations of an unrealistic, impossible quota was an equation for disaster. Add to the fact that a child does not understand that she is a human being and not a human doing, that needs love, attention, time, and support in the form of a grace filled relationship. If not, you have a perfect storm for a disaster.
Let's add rejection and withholding of attention at an inkling of a mistake, shaming, manipulation, abonnement, because one's old wounds not dealt with are now projected upon the child. Control, motivation by fear, and the absence of all parental relationship or even one affirmation, Coping mechanisms and elaborate masks are created to hide the hideous truth that one is not worth love.
To create a more attractive mask as one reaches the age of social interactions, admirable mechanisms that are socially acceptable must create some applause. Workaholism, perfectionism, rescuing performance, hidden behind a mask of beauty waiting to get home with the only friend who understands you and never fails to understand. Mr. Chardanay.
Mr. Chardanay creates shame because you no longer enjoy it, you have become its slave. After all your parents must have been right you are now emotionally abusing yourself and are completely broken, only to put on the pretty mask on again the next day and perform for one ounce of approval and one more day of perfection.
God has placed intense longings in us meant to be filled and overflowing in relationship with Him. These longings are:
Fellowship with God and others.
A secure and safe environment of trusted people building us up and holding us accountable to growth and reaching maturation in Christ.
A sense of understanding of our unique and God given gifts that we naturally excel in to be used in the joy of building up others from a pure heart.
A God given desire to be unique, one of a kind and special, created in the Image of God.
To be important and recognized.
To be loved and be able to love from clean heart.
To be wanted and involved in community and service.
And to find profound purpose, fulfillment, and our life purpose.
Here lies one of life's greatest dilemmas. We cannot stop our spiritual DNA. Simply as we cannot change the one of kind unique physical DNA. Our lack of knowledge and disobedience going all the way back to Adam and Eve did not eliminate the deepest longings of our heart's that He Himself put there. (But for me it is good to be near God: I made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.)" Psalms 73: 28."
Nevertheless, we can try and make it in our own separation and human independence from the source, for people due die from ignorance. Here is what we get apart from God and leaning on our own understanding, determined to prove we have value and to suppress our wounds deep within our soul, which is quite impossible, because they did happen and exist in our memories, regardless of our determination to deny.
Idolatry, if we do not worship God, we will worship something, simply fill in the blanks.
Money and power to bring the false illusion of security and safety. (Whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless.)" Ecclesiastes 5;10.)
Instead of personal performance used to better the lives of others it is linked to one's self-worth
Approval addiction and the willingness to do anything to be seen or noticed replaces the uniqueness bestowed upon us.
One's position or title falsely determines one's importance.
Sexual promiscuity or pornography is substituted for genuine and covenant love, leaving one like a used piece of tape that cannot stick to one person or true intimacy.
Pleasure and entertainment including social media becomes an addiction that cannot be satisfied.
Career advancement creates an environment of hostile maneuvers taking no thought of peers to get ahead at all cost's even to the point of losing friends, family and character, creating more shame and isolation. If we are honest, we've all been there.
Receiving healing from all emotional wounds and its fruit is possible. To fulfill our deepest longings to know and to be known fully, accepted, with all our bruises and bumps, is God's desire for our lives. Receiving our true identity given to us before we were born is possible.
Renewing our minds daily has been put in the Word for a very good reason. It replaces the words and deeds of our wounding and brings the truth of God's Word that declares we are loved, unique, special, significant and victorious through Jesus Christ our Lord.
As we remain in Him and He in us: He has given us His Spirit. If you remain in me and my words remain in you ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you, (John 15:7.) I love these verses! The Holy Spirit promises to guide us in all things, that includes our individual ways He will come and promote and finish our healings and bind up our wounds. For He is the author and finisher of our faith. God put on human flesh to heal the broken hearted. He wants nothing more than to see his creation returned to original form and be whole and prepared to do the good works He has prepared for us since the beginning of time.
Abiding in Him I eagerly accept; I have fulfilled my attempt of significance apart from God and one the trophy of fulfilling the curses spoken over me. The wounding from these open gashes of being thrown away, abandonment and the escape goat from the refusal of others to heal has been passed on from generation to generation. It is here I want to confirm that the deliberate or subconscious wounding from parents, or those in authority over us as children is not a reflection of us. It is a projection and the branches of evil that grow into a hardened heart that refuses to submit to the One who came to heal and to give us life more abundantly.
This is why He calls us to abide in Him. "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, (fruit that lasts) unless you abide in Me. (John 15:4-5.) Psalm 91:1 " He who dwells (abides) in the secret place of the Most Hish shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty," Or this one, "If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32)
I will end with one of my favorite verses. (John 17:17) Sanctify them in the truth, your word is truth. In abiding in the truth of God's love letter to us, we will begin to understand the purpose of our suffering. We will begin to understand that God will bind us up help us to forgive and use our wounds as healing for others. And in this there is not greater joy.
As Corrie Ten Boom said, the one who saw the cruelest part of mankind, pure evil embodied in human flesh, the work of the evil one trying to destroy God's greatest creation and greatest love, mankind, loosing family, her life. She was one of the few survivors of the holocaust and still found meaning in her suffering, and until this day, her words and experience has brought thousand to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.
Forgiveness is hard and it is a process. I have written a little and I do hope it blesses someone. I go into more detail about the purposes of suffering in my upcoming book EDEN STONE soon to be released in December. This book is designed to help women who have gone through unspeakable trauma on a journey of how to forgive.
If you know of anyone who is suffering from the pain of unforgiveness, please send them to www.karynnpensanti.com. Here they will find my book EDEN STONE, and her journey through unforgiveness.
From the apple of His eye to yours,
God bless,
Karynn Pensanti